Woke

I woke, Sister

From the slumber I have been in all my life..

Sleep walked through heavy decisions,

Never understood the weightage of my existence

Drifted through years of women who judged me,

loved me, confused me, encouraged me, refused me, never included me…

So Woke, that I know I am the Universe in itself,

I can nurture, protect and grow  

I can love and smile and see through your shallow.

I forgive, I hug and I pray that I get the strength

To bear the responsibility of how Woke I am.

I woke, Brother

From the slumber I have been in all my life..

So woke, that I may have given you a fright.

My shimmer ain’t something most can deal with

I reflect what the truth is, I am fearless.

Oh I see your weak ass play.. I see it,and pretend to be surprised..

Cuz then I may have been drifting, but I was learning side by side.

I love you brother, don’t get me wrong. 

But damn, We all know meekness is harrassed by shortest shlong. 

Now I take care of my shit..

I take care of the house, the parents, the dog and my boo.

I am woke brother, No one saw that coming ..BOO!

I hunt, I conquer and feel no ounce of guilt.

Thats right my dear friend, all my fucks have taken flight.

Of course You can come near me, don’t worry I would never bite.

Cuz my Woke State is just another way of God shining her light!

Word

You feel a lot, its too much to handle

You feel nothing, it’s too much to handle

You consume, reproduce, excrete and repeat.

You procreate for that’s the “right thing’ to do,

You replicate and create something that isn’t new

You revel in mediocrity 

You pull down originality

You follow the herd, you are the herd

You were always the herd

Drowning down the sounds of those who actually want to be heard,

With your constant chatter, clutter, complaints, restraints

Chaos,YOLO, FOMO commotion

With your egos, your attitude, your ignorant stutter.

Pretending to be the shit, stumbling the strut,

Fumbling the rut…

Shut Up 

Shut Up

No thank you, No one gives a Fuck! 

You 

You sleep walk through life, and you wake up a lil too late

And when you were woke, You cringed and cursed your fate 

cuz You have awoken to nothing but Hate.

I get into bed every night with a 100 thoughts, and I think 'Maybe I should write'
But its always past 12 am, and I use that as an excuse to not write.
There is this strange nagging, creepy feeling I have. I can't even articulate it. And I feel the only way I may be able to get to the bottom or understanding what this is, is to write.
BUT I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WRITE ABOUT!

It's almost like I am trying to trick my brain to understand a riddle that I  know the answer to.
In reality, I'm not even sure if my brain is capable of creating any sort of riddle, forget understanding it.

So I try to distract myself, to maybe pick up a clue and nudge the creativity a little. Which means I pick up my phone (duh!) I love photographs, great compositions, magical compositions... there is so much to see!! There are pictures of people vacationing in far off places, beautiful people in stunning outfits, dogs and cats being cute, amazing art work (instagram rules my life. ugh!) and when all else is done, I'll check the ex's and cute boys who aren't in to me.
None of this helps though! I crave a vacation, I miss my dog, I feel unhealthy and unfit, and not talented enough to be wowed by my own work.

But It's 1am now, and I am still awake.
Yearning for a vacation, yearning for a change of pace. Not being able to pin point what it is that I want to articulate.

Tomorrow is another day.

Such is my Luck

The madness has begun, I'm obsessing again.
His face, his touch, his wicked smile.... all come right in front of me in flashes, when I'm talking to my old aunt whose husband passed away 3 days back, when I am asking for the air hostess to get me a glass of water, when I see a new ice cream advertisement, when I close my eyes to go to sleep.

I know him so little, yet I obsess about him so much.
I plan our little getaways, imagine our secret jokes, miss the taste of his skin and play out our unintentional intense conversations.

The mind won't let me stop, my flesh yearns for his touch...
Yet he doesn't give a fuck.
He just doesn't give a fuck.

I'm not a poet

I'm not a poet, far from it. I get the romance of it, but the meaning sorta makes my head dizzy.
I get dizzy easily.
I get over whelmed easily.
I thought I would be rock solid when I grew up, but I feel like I'm struggling to keep up with myself.
My mind goes in every direction, my heart bears the brunt of my situation.
My body falls into a slump, and no words can make me feel any better.
A Holiday from myself ...maybe that's the answer.

Or Maybe I'll never find the answer.

Moving On...

I was fine.

I'm still fine.

Of course, I'm fine.

Look at me, I'm absolutely fine.

"I look at you and you're fine but it's your eyes... I see darkness ...which is twisted but there's a twinkle there too!" he said.

Damn!

Did this have to be 2017's first blog?

This is a rant,
So bear with me.

I strive, every single day, to not cave in...
To not be affected, to be the bigger person, to brush it off like it's only dust that floated from miles away and landed on my shoulder.... It's only dust, it's doing what it's meant to do. So I don't give it more importance than it deserves.

It's how I look at unreasonable, unfortunate and insane situations/ideas/people.
It's all dust, it'll settle. 'You just have to be patient'.

It's so easy to cave in though!
 To that side which wants you to curse, kick and scream, and react to ALL that is making you lose your mind, your sleep, and your peace of mind.
There's that little devil in you, luring you to that oh sooooo dark side... Making you feel weak for choosing to be the bigger person. Taunting you for taking the higher road. Laughing at you as you attempt to be graceful. Sneering at you as you get ridiculed while you CHOSE to keep it together.

It's so damn easy to cave in, to that dark, and painfully ugly side.

It's just a step away...

But then, I'll always take the road less traveled.
I'll always keep my conscience clear.
I'll always be honest.
I'll always confront the ugly with compassion.
I'll always be real.
and I will have compassion and never laugh when YOU fall flat on your face.

I strive, every single day, to be the person I want to grow up and look up to.