It's curious how numbness has taken over my entire body.
I like sitting in the dark, and I just stare at the wall. My breathing seems to be the only movement i can sense. That, and the sound of the fan.
Also, the heightened buzz in my ears. I just sit and bear it. It almost compliments the numbness.
And then I think of you and my chest gets heavier, my breathing gets harder and sharp... just so much effort!
So i try to shoo any thought of you away. I try to push you out of my comfortable dark space. I fail. And the buzz gets louder. I shut my eyes. I almost scream. But I have no strength.
I lay helpless. My heart tries hard to jump out of my mouth, and I force it to calm itself. But I give in.
My quiet dark room becomes your haven now. All I can do is watch you. You float around with that heart breaking smile. You quickly sweep in and touch my face, caress my back, hold me tight, kiss my lips, and whisper in my ear 'I'm here now'
And just like that, the numbness vanishes, my body convulses and it feels like someone knocked the wind out of me.
I open my eyes. My body drenched, my vision blurry, my throat dry and my head pounding.
I stand up and walk to the window and wipe my eyes. Morning is breaking.
A sigh of relief!
Time to wash off the sweat and put on the mask. Another day to conquer. Another day to deliver. Another day to be thankful for.
The nights however. ..
