Something happened on the way Home

'That's what I must do right now'

And the 'that' that he spoke about, had nothing to do with her. It had to do with someone else, it had no connection to her. She wasn't a part of his life, his routine, his thoughts, his friends, his present or his world anymore. She wasn't even a speck in the the vast clusters of stars that created the universe that she had dreamed for the two of them.

Just like that, they were strangers.

Just like that, it ended.

She saw it coming months back, she knew he would walk away. She knew it felt too real for it to be real. She had mourned the demise of the relationship before it actually began, unaware of how sad she was as she met him. How sad she was every time he said good bye when he dropped her home, every time they looked into each other eyes, every time they kissed... and they kissed so well, she knew there may not be a next time she would feel so light in her head again.

She didn't realise how much she loved him and how quickly she fell for this boy. 

She didn't know she was capable of loving someone ever again.

She had accepted that she may not fall in love again, and that was okay. She was okay being on her own as well. And she had come to terms with the fact that her life was never conventional to begin with, and her definition of what finding love was supposed to be maybe didn't exist.

All she did know, was that he would be difficult, and feisty and it would be exhausting to be with him. Still, she was ready to take the plunge. He had unknowingly, triggered a series of emotions that were lying dormant in her, which she had assumed dead. 

She was ready to dive into the deep end and was happy that she needed no rescuing.  

She was ready.

He wasn't. 

At least not for her.

Days passed. 

Emotions passed too. As they always do.  Eventually there was a comfort in feeling numb. It was familiar territory, it was where she had lived for years...

Just like that, she felt like she was back home.

Just like that, it was ok to be okay again.

Lights Will Guide You

Would it be too bold for me to say that I am ready to go, to leave, to die?
Would it be too scandalous to accept to the world that I am not scared or bothered by the thought that I may not exist tomorrow?

There is truth in the end. Is there anything more real and honest than death? There are answers at the end and I look forward to those. I have so many questions that need answers.
Ah, but if only death was that easy. If only life was simple. If only we had the power to chose how we leave this realm, to move into the 'higher state of being'.

Yes, I am scared of a slow and painful end. I am scared of disease, I am scared of mentally and physically deteriorating into a vegetable. And I am scared of the day when even getting out of bed would be a mission, and that day will come. I am scared of seeing my loved ones suffer, for I suffer watching them.
So in my attempt to keep feeling healthy and good, I keep making sure I am fine. I make sure I try to inspire my loved ones to be healthy too, I keep eating healthy, I exercise, I take on the challenges and keep at it, I do things that excite me and make me happy. Because happiness is the key to a healthy life... or so they say.
You sort of get the hang of living after a while, you find a way to forget the struggle in spurts of ecstatic moments, you read/hear stories about people who have overcome the hardest challenges and look at your comfortable life and think sheepishly 'You're so fuckin lucky'.
You live.
That's what you are here to do.
Live. Do your best at living.
Get the best at what you do and just expand. And Live.
Thank your stars that you were blessed a life so special before you sleep and wake up and thank the universe for the beauty you have been witness to all these years.

Of course I'll die one day. Everyone will. We go back to dust and complete the circle of life. And I am not scared of it one bit. But while I'm here, I must live.
I must feel, I must love, I must excel, I must grow.

I must burn bright.